The Cast of Colbert

A guide to the in-show history of the characters on the Report, mostly Stephen's beseiged staff; as well as the show's real-world allies and rivals over the years.

(Note: Some descriptions are still under construction.)

The Reportverse

⇐ Allison Silverman

Former TCR head writer, later co-executive producer.

Generally acknowledged to be awesome, at least until she decided to leave, at which point Stephen declared her a terrible person so as to avoid feeling sad.

⇐ Alan

Stephen's former black friend, dumped after he was caught on video at an anti-war protest rally. Stephen has been searching for a new black friend ever since.

Returns briefly at the end of this Wørd, in the company of a new white friend. Stephen is crushed.

Bears a strange resemblance to comedian Jordan Carlos.

⇐ Bobby

Stephen's educated, indecisive, and besieged stage manager. Other duties include going on secret missions, wearing various costumes, and being the subject of torture demonstrations. Is frequently the one stuck with delivering bad news to his boss.

Was briefly replaced with a heat lamp, and later eaten. After a brief appearance as a ghost, he returned in full health. (Apparently there was time travel involved.)

Looks oddly similar to TCR writer Eric Drysdale.

⇐ Charlene

The mysterious woman who has a restraining order out against Stephen, although he insists he's not stalking her.

Subject of the only single released by his '80s band. Also his high school classmate and first cousin.

⇐ Gorlock

Stephen's financial advisor. Speaks with a Southern accent, at least when using his human voice emulator.

⇐ Homer (Omar)

The Greek takeout deliveryperson who spent several years locked in the secret prison under Stephen's desk after being mistaken for someone of Middle Eastern descent.

⇐ Alan

Stephen's former black friend, dumped after he was caught on video at an anti-war protest rally; Stephen has been searching for a new black friend ever since. Returns briefly at the end of this Wørd, in the company of a new white friend. Stephen is crushed.

Bears a strange resemblance to comedian Jordan Carlos.

⇐ Jay the Intern

One of Stephen's interns. Subject to such abuses as being shut in a locker for extended periods of time and being a test subject for Stephen's cat-administered method of eye surgery.

⇐ Killer

One of Stephen's roadies. Other duties include going on secret missions, blowing things up, and assisting in torture demonstrations.

Never speaks. He has demonstrated telekinetic choking abilities, but they're rarely necessary, as his silent unblinking stare is more than enough to intimidate Stephen into backing off.

⇐ Lorraine

Stephen's wife, also referred to on-air as "Brenda" and "Evelyn". He doesn't talk much about their relationship, possibly because it's a troubled one.

⇐ Meg

One of Stephen's interns. Has filed multiple sexual harassment suits against him.

Duties include posing for sexy pictures and testing everything he drinks to see if it's been poisoned.

⇐ P.K. Winsome

One of the few black Republicans.

Looks strikingly like comedian Tim Meadows.

⇐ Russ Lieber

Stephen's talk-radio archnemesis.

Often mistaken for comedian David Cross.

⇐ Sweetness

Stephen's life partner, a beautiful lady.

Sweetness is a six-shot Colt Detective .38 Special, the longtime preferred revolver for law enforcement and private investigators due to being accurate for its size, yet small enough to conceal easily under the shoulder.

⇐ Tad

Stephen's building manager, frequently sent out of the building to go on trips for him.

Looks oddly like actor Paul Dinello, known for playing Geoffrey Jellineck on Strangers With Candy.

⇐ The Prescott Group

Sinister corporation.

⇐ The Wørd

Used to spend a lot of time paraphrasing Stephen, but these days has a mind of its own.

The Real World

Amy Sedaris ⇒

Known for raising rabbits, making cupcakes, and tumbling with Stephen and Tad.

Also plays Jerri Blank on Strangers With Candy.

Barry Manilow ⇒

First to defeat Stephen at the Emmys (MANILOW!!!). Agreed to co-custody of the Emmy, sang a duet with Stephen.

Bill O'Reilly ⇒

"Papa Bear".

Conan O'Brien ⇒

Freakishly tall Irishman.

Eleanor Holmes Norton ⇒

Stephen's arch-nemesis.

Jane Fonda ⇒

Beware Of Cougar.

Rain ⇒

RAAAAAIN!!!

Sumner Redstone ⇒

Stephen's boss. Frequently depicted as the Crypt Keeper.